Be happy

meladoodle:

if an employer asks for your criminal record just say that the only crime you’ve committed is killing a guy that didn’t hire you for a job

bigyiff94:

Horror movie idea: a succubus who picks up guys at bookstores by playing manic pixie dream girl. They go on a date and everything’s perfect. The entire movie is an indie rom com until they sleep together for the first time and she rips out his heart and eats it. The movie ends with her “accidentally bumping into” another guy at a bookstore. The cycle begins again

songofthestarwhale:

everybody has that one fictional character that they irrationally adore above all others and will defend to the death and you just get super happy and excited whenever you see their face on your dash

pvnk-is-dad:

I crave intimacy but I get confused and uncomfortable when I’m shown even the slightest bit of attention or affection.

(Source: kanbaewest)

imagineyouricon:

Imagine your icon approaching you while you’re eating and just taking your entire plate of food then disapearing without a trace.

Kid: Yeah give me a pack of Marlboro Reds.
Cashier: Are you 18?
Kid: It's okay, they're a metaphor.